Aviation Aficionados Gifts

'I'm happy to report our use of air sickness bags has declined sharply since we quit serving meals.'

Drones

'These are so accurate that they even come with inedible food that you have to pay extra for,'

Customer to airline clerk: 'If I drop leaflets out the plane window, do I get frequent flyer miles?'

"...if you know how to pilot a Boeing 747, we would appreciate it..."

Chapter 9-11.

Largest passenger aircraft ever built. "Why does it have to be so big?" "We had to make extra room for all the subsidy money."

"Airport security is really getting tough."

Angel learning to fly...

'Steve says Air Canada may ban cats from some of their flights... I'm not unhappy! There wasn't that much leg room.'

"We cannot serve meals on the plane because you cannot take your mask off to eat... So we are only selling our snacks."

Smokers' Airline

Bear on Airplane

Airlines volunteer to reduce the size of seats to encourage weight loss

"It's ok, my ankles quite often swell up when I fly"

Emergency Brake

Tortoise having his shell checked by Customs.

"Do we allow a potential terrorist on board, or do we get sued silly for discriminating against the body mass index-challenged?"

"It's my emotional support animal."

'That's the problem with budget airlines- the lack of an inflight meal.'

The Wright brothers discover the first nightmare flight

Technique #54 airlines are adopting for handling excessive carry on luggage.

I'm sorry, sir, but your luggage was deemed offensive and destroyed.

'I'm sorry sir, but the captain can't take off until you light a cigarette.' - German businessman starts 'Smoker's Airline'

Reduced for Quick Sale.

'Iy's obviously a fraud - Such a configuration could never get off the ground.'

'My husband is not an underwear bomber! He's just got a... well... you know... 'problem'.'

'What the hell was that? . . . We weren't expecting turbulence??'

Flying insects

'I wouldn't be so concerned if they weren't already sitting in the exit row.'

The aviation experts come out to play

The phrase "pushing the envelope" came into common usage after Tom Wolfe used it in his book "The Right Stuff." He was describing test pilots with exceptional courage who were expanding the limits of flight. Ernie wants to become a test pilot and people ask me if has the right stuff. Unfortunately, his level of courage can only be described by saying Ernie is not able to push the envelope because he's terrified of getting a paper cut!

Relies on Radar

"...and for tomorrow, we're looking at a high of 64, partly cloudy, with a 30% chance of falling airplane parts."

"Hi, I'm Jamie Theakston and this is Dogs Might Fly."