Automotive Tinkering Gifts

School of easy knocks engine diagnosis, rm 101...School of hard knocks, advanced engine diagnosis, rm 102.

'My electric car is giving me static!'

Mechanic looking under the hood of a car.

"Would you please step into the garage? Your car and I need to have a word with you."

Ralph spent his Sundays in the park gathering nuts.

'This is Onstar, how may I help you?'

Organic Soldering.

"So this is what you want? This is why after school, almost every day, you spend all your extra free time working at the auto store?"

'I think I've isolated that funny noise you've been having.'

'According to the diagnostic computer, your problems are due to El Nino.'

"If I were a surgeon, Mr. Ferguson, which I ain't, and your car was my patient, which it ain't—except that it is, in a funny sort of way; that is, if you want to look at it like that; you know what I mean—and you was her husband, I'd have to say, 'Sir, your wife is going to need a valve job.,"

"We located the hissing noise, Mr. Watkins. Your wife's mother is in the back seat."

'Rats, I don't think we'll ever get this thing going: It's flooded again...'

The Small Business Advisor: 'The first bit of advice I'd give you for your garage start-up is to tell your dad'

'You got clowns in your engine. That's what's making them funny noises.'

"I'd like my daughter to know something about engines."

'Well OF COURSE I rotate the tires! How do you think I got here?'

"2 for 1 special: Clean, polish, buff, seal"

"It took a lot of work to build this car..."

"We're having a little trouble with our hydraulic lift. I guess my question is, do you still want your muffler replaced?"

'My husband thought he could save money by repairing it himself.'

You were fixing cars in your sleep again.

'It's a kit I found online. I converted the car so it runs entirely on chicken manure.'

"My name is Leonard, and I'll be your auto mechanic for today."

"I'm glad I don't have to put gas in it. the downside is that it takes a lot of time to put 3,000 AA batteries in it."

Tune up $90. Tinker $20.

'Would you do that noise that your car makes on more time...it's hilarious!'

"Nap time."

'Hi Terry. Quick question about that new gearbox you put in my Polo last week.'

'Have you tried hitting Ctrl-Alt-Delete?'

"Is that one of those cars that tells you when it needs maintenance?"

22. Being tireless is good trait to have in most jobs, but not when you're working on a pit crew.

'Difficulty getting started in the morning, stalling, various leaks, gas fumes...at this point Mrs Johnson, I'd recommend getting a new husband!'

He did love tinkering on his cars.

"Do you realise you're getting addicted to brake fluid?" "Yes, but I can stop anytime."