Automobile Dealer Gifts

'We spend billions annually on styling changes and preposterous advertising, and you've got nerve to care only about fuel economy and reliability?!'

'And of course you'll need air-conditioning to cope with global warming.'

'I'm afraid you'll have to buy a car, sir -- Braxton, here, accidentally sold your car to somebody else.'

"I just don't know. It's a really difficult decision."

"This model comes with a standard anti-theft alarm that can be upgraded to an ultra-obnoxious version, if you wish."

Autos. Recall your car? Heavens no, sir. We're doing our best to forget it!

'. . . of course, batteries are not included.'

'Do you have one of these in a larger size?'

'On the bright side, it gets nearly 40 miles per gallon!'

'Hey! The small print says 'As selected by the Garage Owners Association'!'

'The Automobile Market'

'We've had plenty of interest in this one. It's been our 'Special Of The Week' for months.'

'Of course, the price I've quoted is with an empty gas tank.'

"This model gives you a sense of being in charge."

"And this is the 'back seat driver ejection button'."

Larry's used art

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

"Would you please step into the garage? Your car and I need to have a word with you."

"As you can hear, it has an engine that purrs ... '

"Do you buy cars here?"

'It seats two comfortably.'

"It's ideal for the man who works close to home."

"In layman's terms, it's £12,750."

'Sorry, that was before the fed raised the interest rates.'

"The crash-test rating on this puppy is off the charts!"

'If you're looking for compensatory materialism on wheels, look no further.'

'It's St Patrick's Day...I thought you called this car your lucky charm??!'

Mohammad's motors

'God's speed.'

"An enormous amount of advanced engineering has gone into our latest models. That's not to say, of course, that an enormous amount of advanced engineering hasn't always gone into all our models."

'Do you have any of those cars with 'My Child Is An Honor Student' bumper stickers on them?'

'Those are all highway miles. The previous owner was a pharmaceutical sales rep.'

"This car is a retro classic. Instead of a USB outlet there's a cigarette lighter."

Classic Autos: We have muscle cars for weaklings!

'It's exactly what I need to drive our only child to school at the end of the road.'