Automated Systems Manager Pillows

"You'll do everything...accounting, marketing, manufacturing...with no pay or benefits...and three years from now we'll trade you in for a newer, sexier model."

'Human Error .. Yet Again.'

Claus 2.0

'A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people who were made redundant by the computer.'

"Jimmy, I want you to meet our new safety officer."

'Is this the new input device?'

"I do tech support for the cloud."

"And with the optional remote you make all these little lights go off and on really quickly." You can have an IT system with all the latest bells and whistles...or you could have one that WORKS

Where was I?

'Yep,that's it Mr.White. And NOW go, Control-Alt-Delete, then re-enter.'

'This computer has a fast modem, the latest Pentium, increased RAM, a huge hard drive and broadband connections. Only one problem...slow pointer fingers.'

"Don’t you eyeball me, Ed! That’s right, look down at the table. Only technicians who remember to back up the data can look at me! And if you start to cry I will fire you!"

"I'm looking for something really dull and repetitive."

'It says our line printer is obsolete our remote terminal is obsolete, and I'm afraid, we're obsolete.'

Who should I call first? 911 or Technical Support?

It's all fixed. Just don't type anything that contains the letter ‘E'.

Robot Grabber Arcade Game Machine

"I think earth's antivirus software expired."

'Ok, give me your username & password one more time.'

'The boss said to get rid of all the pirated software before he returns, which will be in about five to ten years.'

"I want one that detects intrusions by hackers, then blows their computers to bits!"

'Here comes the 64-bit local bus.'

We've already got one. A hidden microphone in the staff coffee area.

"Someone has hacked into our Computer."

Early Tech Support

"Our cloud computing services include IaaS, PaaS, SaaS, NaaS, CaaS...and BaaS!"

"That didn't work either! I'm telling you, this is one AGGRESSIVE virus!"

The Escape Key

'It looks like our data.'

'Hey, everyone! Guess who forgot his password?'

'Sorry, Kevin. You have given an incorrect command.'

'Don't be nervous but I think we're about to go LIVE on the new system.'

"Yes, binary is really kicking in."

'We've got to upgrade our computer system. Downloading information on this one takes too long.'

Kevin had a computer virus.