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"We can't come to an agreement about how to fix your car, Mr. Simons. Sometimes that's the way things happen in a democracy."

"To be frank, officer, my parents never set boundaries."

'All our vehicles come with a 24-hour, round-the-block guarantee.'

'The dealer says the warranty is good for the life of the car but he's not responsible if the vehicle doesn't live very long.'

'The best time to buy a used car is when it's new.'

Car dealers free hotdogs - "The best I can do is mustard and relish, ketchup and onions are optional."

"It was owned by a little old lady who only drove it ... no wait, that won't work."

'You raised the price of air to 50c!' 'Inflation.'

Mufflers.

'Your car will be ready in a minute...the mechanic is saying the last rites now.'

Search 'Engine' No Results,

'I'm just not in the mood.'

Car crash.

The SUV: A T-rex on wheels.

"Imagine an accident at 60mph..." "It would be like being hit by a 60 ton elephant."

Drive-through Therapy: "I don't feel road-worthy."

Steering Committee - Three people trying to park a car.

"It's a compromise. . . I wanted a convertible. . .he wanted a yacht."

"Joey is that your new car?"

"Can I talk to someone who knows something?"

"Would you please step into the garage? Your car and I need to have a word with you."

'Your trade-in not worth a lot. Too much wear.'

"I knew you were having an affair with your car!"

"After looking over your financial application, I'm going to have our youngest sales rep show you your options."

"Okay, this summer I've been able to buy a speaker system and a full set of dash knobs. Only 4,387 more parts before I have my own customized ragtop."

"Can you deliver that to me?"

A man drives a car with the word "LAWYER" painted backwards on the front hood so that it can be read in the rear-view mirrors of other cars.

Holiday Special - All estimates even more honest than usual.

"At this point, there is a lot of pent-up demand for new cars."

"Hard luck, car showrooms don't count!"

'It's ok, sir, we'll put you in touch with one of our grief counselors.'

"I think we should send his cell phone to whomever he was texting when he crashed."

'Heaven forbid you need them, but this model's air bags are breast shaped.'

Formula One fan with a steering wheel.

I was doing seventy in neutral!