Auto Aficionado Gifts

"That metallic grinding means her throwout bearings are shot. She's backfiring through her carburetor. The tick indicates transmission trouble, and the smoke means she's on fire."

"But we're not just talking about buying a car-we're talking about confronting this country's trade deficit with Japan."

'This is a nice car Mr...did you have it from new?'

And could you put in a louder horn?'

Turmoil change.

"I agree, it's a lot of bang for the buck. And thumping, whining, clicking, clacking, clanging, grinding, buzzing and rattling."

'Just came in. It's a repo.'

A vintage car being fixed by a mechanic underneath.

"I recommend the Safety-M2000. It's just loud enough to warn people you're coming."

"We stand behind all our vehicles. Sometimes we even help push."

'I wish I could accept your offer but I really wanted to sell the whole car.'

'Backseat folds out to a bed in case you run out of gas on the way home.'

'In addition to 16 cup-holders it comes equipped with four dedicated yoga mat storage areas.'

'I certainly hope it doesn't take me as long to pay the bill as it did for you to get the part.'

Computer Controlled Car

'Driverless cars are coming.'

'This is the 20th car you've bought this month. So, I've checked you into a car-addiction program.'

"When was the last time you started her up?"

Rust test in progress.

"Ten percent off if you repeat those funny noises your car is making for the boys."

"You need a new radiator. It's not your fault. It's not my fault. I blame the system, the cooling system."

'What a pity. I thought they were made of cake...'

"What do you mean I left garage too quickly?" - Mechanic still under car

'Can we afford you to save us money by repairing the car yourself...?'

"I wouldn't worry about it -- this is marketing's headache."

Car Dentistry.

"It's your oil.....it needs a new car!"

"How much for a good set of earplugs?"

'I'm afraid you'll have to buy a car, sir -- Braxton, here, accidentally sold your car to somebody else.'

'The car dealership is letting me buy an expensive sports car, one piece at a time. I decided to buy the steering wheel first.'

"Of course I mind, but it's the only way I get to see him"

Entrapment Or What?

Classic Autos: We have muscle cars for weaklings!

"It's very economical. It runs on a deficit."

'Though we understand your feelings towards your automobile, we aren't able to approve your application to marry it.'