Auto Aficionado Gifts

"That metallic grinding means her throwout bearings are shot. She's backfiring through her carburetor. The tick indicates transmission trouble, and the smoke means she's on fire."

"But we're not just talking about buying a car-we're talking about confronting this country's trade deficit with Japan."

'This is a nice car Mr...did you have it from new?'

And could you put in a louder horn?'

"I agree, it's a lot of bang for the buck. And thumping, whining, clicking, clacking, clanging, grinding, buzzing and rattling."

'Off hand, I'd say it's a problem with your distributor.'

Turmoil change.

'Just came in. It's a repo.'

A vintage car being fixed by a mechanic underneath.

"We stand behind all our vehicles. Sometimes we even help push."

"I recommend the Safety-M2000. It's just loud enough to warn people you're coming."

'I wish I could accept your offer but I really wanted to sell the whole car.'

'In addition to 16 cup-holders it comes equipped with four dedicated yoga mat storage areas.'

"I've narrowed the problem down to somewhere under this big flap I discovered."

'Backseat folds out to a bed in case you run out of gas on the way home.'

Computer Controlled Car

'I certainly hope it doesn't take me as long to pay the bill as it did for you to get the part.'

'This is the 20th car you've bought this month. So, I've checked you into a car-addiction program.'

"What do you mean I left garage too quickly?" - Mechanic still under car

"Ten percent off if you repeat those funny noises your car is making for the boys."

'Driverless cars are coming.'

Rust test in progress.

"You need a new radiator. It's not your fault. It's not my fault. I blame the system, the cooling system."

"When was the last time you started her up?"

'What a pity. I thought they were made of cake...'

'Can we afford you to save us money by repairing the car yourself...?'

"I wouldn't worry about it -- this is marketing's headache."

Car Dentistry.

"It's your oil.....it needs a new car!"

'I'm afraid you'll have to buy a car, sir -- Braxton, here, accidentally sold your car to somebody else.'

"How much for a good set of earplugs?"

Man has a picture of a rolls on his garage door...the car inside is very different.

"Just once, I wish you'd show the same energy at home as you do at work!"

'I was really looking for something my kids wouldn't want to borrow.'

'Looks like there's a problem with the cat' converter!'