Audit Athlete Gifts

'It was your request for a more complicated tax form that raised the red flag.'

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

"Good game."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

'Wow! That was some world series, Ella! Both Pujols and Holland were just amazing...'

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

"Portrait of a Lady"

ACME INDUSTRIES NEW PRODUCTS DIVISION, 'The best part is, it can repossess itself!'

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

'Actually, accounting is an exact science.'

'I love your cardiovascular system!'

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

What McWit lacks in speed he gains in nose.

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

"I don't believe I've missed a single sign since you made the switch to Power Point."

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

Yearbook

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

'Of course I'm on the pull - I'm a cricketer.'

'Hang in there, Larry, those endorphins will soon kick in.'

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

Bullseye!

Monica Seles

I love you. You're my everything. Mixed Message Arts.