Audit Ace Pillows

'What was your entry, 'Rob Peter to Pay Paul all about?'

'Okay... now everyone smile and say: 'that;s not deductible'.'

"The numbers don't lie, but we can fix that."

'Thank you, sir -- be sure to visit our website.'

Tax - Random Audit

Accountant to man: 'I can get you a rapid refund ... and an even quicker audit.'

'Be afraid... Be very afraid.'

Miss McWit, please hold all my appointments. Something's come up.

'Well, I hope you're satisfied -- I spent all afternoon going over your return, and I can't find a thing wrong with it!'

I believe you want to see me.

'Watch what you admit to. He once tried to fine one of my clients for looking a gift horse in the mouth.'

'We have a problem!'

'I can audit any man in the house!'

I'd like to investigate your tax return!

'It took me years to learn how to look at taxpayers like a hungry predator looks at it's helpless prey!'

'They all want to play the star.'

He may have a PH.D in elementary particle physics, but he's having an awful lot of trouble with the application form.

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

Failure/Due Diligence

'I made a hundred on the Spanish test. Gracias.'

The Corporate Trust: 'Since we have an agreement of transparency with the feds, I don't need to remind all of you that this meeting never happened.'

"Seriously, do you expect us to believe you put on 143 feet a day in business travel?"

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

IRS Audit Section

Counting dollars

The IRS emptied my pouch.

THEATRICAL AGENCY, 'We have an opening to do some commercials - How'd you like to be the LEAST interesting man in the world?'

'How do you expect the Government to bail you out of your financial crisis if you don't pay your taxes?'

X Factor contestant dressed as a 'Y'.

IRS, 'It might make you feel better if you just think of it as a negative entitlement.'

IRS agent to professor scrutinizing tax return under microscope: 'Still looking for that tax loophole, professor?'

'There it is! I've isolated the origin of the firm's demise.'

Try to hold your audience's attention when giving a presentation.

"You can't see a grief counselor just because you got a 'B'."