Audio Shows Pillows

"It's a Plodcast!"

Fighter Jet Sneeze

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

The President Elect approved by 3 out of 4 talk show hosts!

"At some point, there's only so high you can raise the volume before you admit you're never gonna understand what British detectives are saying."

Ask Sadie Advice Hour. What's your problem?! I don't want to vaccinate my kids. But my husband does. What do I do? Excellent question. It reminds me of the time Mother Cohen and Father Cohen were arguing about vaccinating us kids. Father Cohen accused her of being a pawn of the Illuminati's attempt to use diphtheria to mutate us into ape-people. Mother Cohen accused him of being anti-Darwinian. That's when Father Cohen brought up her illicit fling with Chuck Darwin, and all heck broke loose. Um

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

Succession 2

Dog FM. (Man blowing dog whistle into radio microphone).

"The subwoofers really help."

"I wanted a partner... I got a co-host."

BOOKS ON VIDEO/BOOKS ON TAPE/READ YOUR OWN.

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

"Our kids may like your giant soundbar, but the neighbors seem to have a different opinion."

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

Day two of our series: America's sleeping pill addiction. My guest, pillhead Rudy Park. I'm not a pillhead. Come clean. Admit the obvious truth. What truth? Rush Limbaugh made you do it! A political pundit never misses an opportunity. You got hooked only after O'Reilly harassed you.

'What TV show do frog princes go on ...?...'

The EP-21 spy plane.

"Did you hear Sadie's show today?"

You're on "Ask Sadie." What's your problem?! Super delegates. A candidate could win the most votes in the primaries but lose anyway of the superdelegates want someone else! Can you believe that? Oh stop yer sniveling. In my day, the parties chose candidates in smoke-filled backrooms without even pretending the people get a vote. At least this charade gets you out of the house. Gets the blood pumping. I guess.

'It's an audio book: I'm too busy to read books...'

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

'The best gig I can get you for your comeback, Lazarus, is DJ in the graveyard slot.'

'And I say he makes us look bad when he rides around listening to those books.'

You're on, caller. What's your problem?! The Oscars were so very, very boring. You decided to sit in front of your tv for four hours watching rich people give themselves awards. YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE ENTERTAINED, LOSER! They're coming out with a new show called "Watching Celebrities Cash Their Checks." You'd probably enjoy that. Get professionally berated at asksadie@rudypark.com.

'Would it make a difference if I told you I was listening to book on audio?'

"Come up and purr in her other ear... she likes the surround sound."

"I read the audio book."

Trappist talk show.

"When I said I wanted socks, I obviously meant I wanted a multi-room sound system with voice activated management."

"Well I think the Real question is..."

'Thanks for buying the ventriloquism instructional tapes. You are now listening to tape number one...'