Attention Span Warrior Pillows

'I wish you'd pay a little attention.'

'Are you paying attention?! It seems like every thing I text goes in one eye and out the other.'

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

"I'm trying to Google what I was thinking about twenty minutes ago!"

'Technically, I was making fun of your writing ability.'

A baseball player is too busy checking his smartphone to catch a ball.

I read on Candorville.com that was rank 29,705th in the world when it comes to attention spans. What? Aren't there only 196 countries? The article didn't just include human countries. It included the various animal kingdoms and the plant republics. Did you know that Americans have an eight-second attention span ... but the goldfish who live in little Lionel Brown's aquarium kingdom at 1492 MLK Way in Candorville have a nine-second attention span? Are you sure you weren't reading a humor column?

Wrestling Our Inner Demons

"No, it hasn't anything to do with my presentation. But wait until you see how I hold everyone's attention with it sitting next to me at the podium."

"No. I've never had any problems with my kids not paying attention to me."

'He has a very open mind. Everything goes in one ear and out the other.'

"It helps me stay focused."

"Kids, look at the weather! Why don't you play outside?"

"This is Jim's second speech on how not to make people mad by talking on your phone. I missed his first speech."

"It's only insomnia if there's nothing good on."

Facebook's business model

Down with Negativism!

Short Term Memory Loss Support Group: 'Good evening. You're probably all wondering why you just walked into this room.'

'Son, your teacher told me that you're having trouble focusing and other things that I zoned out on...'

One person's word balloon goes in one ear and out the other of the other person's ears.

"Are you listening to me?"

"How long do you think it'll take before he realizes I took his phone away?"

"What do you mean you're staying in with a good book?"

'Don't you know too much TV is bad for your eyes...and your morals, attention span, intelligence...'

"It's a new tweet from our teacher. She wants us to turn off our phones."

"He got laid off six months ago. Been pounding the pavement ever since."

"Your challenge is to present our complex project to people that have an 11 second attention span."

"I'm prescribing stronger glasses for you, and I recommend a neck brace for your smartphone use."

You've been staring at that screen all day. Why don't you do something else?

'Thank you for calling the attention deficit disorder hotline. . . please continue to hold. . .'

"I get lot's of exercise, computer football, computer cricket and computer rugby."

"In conclusion, J.D. Salinger's 'The Catcher in the Rye' is a commentary on the injustices and problems of society, especially pertaining to the isolation of individuals."

School for the Blind and School for the Inattentive.

"My teacher says to tell you I'm having trouble with my ears. Everything goes in one and out the other."