Attention Acrobat Gifts

"Are you O.K.? You're barely paying attention to your book, phone, show, laptop, and the crossword you started ten minutes ago."

"I appreciate your devices that make it seem like you're paying attention, but could you actually pay attention and make eye contact so I know you are?"

'I've always loved your adventurousness in bed.'

"Am I looking happy or sad in the appropriate places?"

'For the next hour, hold all calls. I'll be practicing tumbling. I have to learn to roll with the punches.'

Try to hold your audience's attention when giving a presentation.

'The cannon will go off every 20 minutes just to make sure you're paying attention,'

Translating . . . poetry.

"It's a stream of consciousness novel like 'Ulysses' I just sort of sat down and wrote it without even thinking of a plot have you had drink I', going to get a seat where do you come from it's hot in here I like blue do you like blue..."

"It's the first week of school and already I have a 10-page report due tomorrow!"

"If I didn't worry all the time what would I do with myself?"

For Sale: Red Arrow

Media Whore Raceway.

"This isn't bad. Ten per cent all A's."

'Needs more challenge.'

'Teacher says I don't pay attention, I have no retention but I'm great at detention.'

'Clever, Fenwick

Writer

'Excuse me, Mr. Jennings, but there's a gentleman here who wants to know if you'd mind him leaving some paperwork with you to go over.'

"Isn't it great? I found little 'Classroom Mode' switches behind their ears."

'It appears that your son's problems stem from attention deficit disorder.'

A tightrope walker balances while holding hearts.

"Oh, no! I typed up all my New Year's Resolutions without saving copies, only to drop them in the shredder by accident! Now I'll never remember them! How clumsy of me! Oh, well!"

"Whenever someone scoffs at dreaming the impossible dream, I tell them to think of Bloomingdale's –the way it was long, long ago, and the way it is now."

"Today, class, I'm proud to announce my tenure."

'OK, good. I just wanted to be sure you were still on top of it.'

"A good employee never stops learning new skills."

The Flea Circus.

'It's always good to see accounting on the ball.'

Home/work masks.

"Haven't they oriented you yet, Swenson?"

'My mom said someday I'll grow up and go to college!' 'My mom can burp the alphabet. She learned how in college!'

'Create excitement in your life! Paparazzi for hire!'

Customer service involves giving your clients your undivided attention.

'Olympics, my foot! Get outta here!'