Attending A Reception Gifts

'Careful! Don't drink this here grape juice they're servin'. I've had three bottles now, and my head's a spinnin'.'

'Someone got me because I matched her purse, I've been to a rock concert, a night club and two weddings, Life as a designer dog is great but I'd trade caviar for kibble to get a good night's sleep,'

Sloaney Pony.

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

'Okay.. what the hell.'

'I always cry at weddings!'

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'

Man at penthouse party walks out onto terrace and is startled to see the Earth, instead of the moon, shining in the sky.

"Are you looking to accentuate or camouflage?"

"We're not laughing at you, sweetie. We're laughing at something you don't understand."

Girl's hair comes unfastened as a dance is about to begin

How to read the dress code?

'You can have a cute little boy like me. All you have to do is get pregnant.'

I am your BIGGEST fan!

'He hasn't missed a turnout in ten years!'

"How much longer, roughly, will you be introducing me as a 'disgruntled Republican'?"

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

'Hey! is that a good fit or not?'

"The idiots don't realise that flying in a private jet is meant to be IRONIC!"

"You've got to blurb me to her."

'My best friend threw her bouquet to me at her wedding, and I ATE it!'

"I didn't realise it was a formal do."

"He's my escort, and he's a teddy bear."

"You don't find a style. A style finds you."

' I see that you have a B.A. degree in stapling and collating. Your parents must be very proud of you.'

'That one is a real bargain if you don't mind the chin strap.'

"God it was rough coming into the office this morning after the awards ceremony" "It must have been, you work two doors down"

Non-Jewish Events and Jewish Events

"Are you, Michael on the same page as Melissa?"

'Excuse me, Mr. Pavlik, but that gentleman you called an idiot is here. Should I still say you're not in?'

Upbeat conversation/downbeat conversation.

"Height is the only thing I'm capable of changing about myself."

"Any apologies for absence?"

Wedding speech.