Attachment Parenting Enthusiast Gifts

'...may your union be blessed with children...and for those of us who believe in ATTACHMENT PARENTING, could they please do so now!'

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

'The child is very illogical'

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

Suffering from Cooties?

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

Growth Charts

I love my family!

'Son, I want you to get out there and play like I've never played before.'

Sigh … They grow up so fast, don't they?

Toddler Feeding Solutions

Crying baby

"People who don't believe in soulmates just haven't met the right animal."

"I think it's time we learned to stand up for our selves."

'They're just adorable at this age - before they develop a personality.'

Early childhood development

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!

'Look, dear. Her first opinion.'

7 Dwarves of Fatherhood

"Sure, helicopter parenting is bad but drone parenting is way worse."

"Anything interesting happen over the weekend, Frank?"

'It wouldn't be right if I did your homework for you!' 'At least you could try!'

Lemming mothers

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

'I think it may be a limited edition.'

"Sweet dreams my little tax break."

"My first Father's day!"

"We've gone old fashioned and decided against finding out the sex of my obstetrician."

'Then, after a while, the pitter patter of tiny running shoes.'

Honey, I'm home. Did you change Kyle's diaper?

I'm here to update your census form. Since you mailed the form in, have any of your children moved back in with you?

"They're a very hi-tech family. Apparently, even their baby was cordless."