Athletic Performance Optimizers T-Shirts

'I can't promise miracles, but the lung-enhancement surgery should cut, oh, I'd say two or three minutes off your time in the mile.'

"You think you can? Think again, mister. You know you can. Got that?"

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

'Don't worry about it. If at first we don't succeed, we can do it later and get paid time-and-a-half for it.'

I think this interleague play is getting out of hand.

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

"To be clear, I said I want your 'A' game, not your 'Eh?' game."

Perils of the double play.

'We believe in using performance-enhancing drugs here.. they're called bonuses.'

"Maybe we should have another look at the 'business as usual' idea."

'I'm wrapping it tightly to keep the ankle from swelling.'

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'Eee,love - this place gives me a great idea for the spare bedroom!'

Don't Waste A Moment! Put Down That Magazine And Get Fit While You Sit!

"We want it to look lived in, but not necessarily by us."

'That's a personal foul, roughing the passer!'

'You've been rearranging the furniture again, haven't you?'

Game In A Can.

'You may have found more new customers than the other salesmen, but your profits are too small! Stop just pulling in peanuts, Barry!'

"Easy on the fast balls, will you, kid?"

The first 10,000 fans got a concussion bobblehead!

A faulty part from an independent supplier leads to the creation of a multibillion-dollar sports medicine profession.

"It's a terrific space, Tony—but do you think the TV will fit?"

'What are the chances? I mean, all 10 players simultaneously dive for a loose ball and conk heads?'

'He's known as the hardest-driving track coach in the country.'

'Steeee-rike three!'

"And these are the Andersons, our tenants."

"The mirrors really do make this apartment look bigger."

Castle Efficiency

'He's a control freak but the treats are good.'

'Gentlemen, we make money the old-fashioned way, and it's got to STOP!'

"Remember, you're only as sick as you feel."

'You have the body of a 22 year old man, providing your birthday is February 29th.'

'Tape it up real tight, Floyd ... and the other ankle too.'

St John's ambulance member "I prefer rugby myself, more blood shed"