Athletic Performance Optimizers T-Shirts

'I can't promise miracles, but the lung-enhancement surgery should cut, oh, I'd say two or three minutes off your time in the mile.'

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

'Don't worry about it. If at first we don't succeed, we can do it later and get paid time-and-a-half for it.'

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

"To be clear, I said I want your 'A' game, not your 'Eh?' game."

Perils of the double play.

'We believe in using performance-enhancing drugs here.. they're called bonuses.'

"Maybe we should have another look at the 'business as usual' idea."

'I'm wrapping it tightly to keep the ankle from swelling.'

'Eee,love - this place gives me a great idea for the spare bedroom!'

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Don't Waste A Moment! Put Down That Magazine And Get Fit While You Sit!

"We want it to look lived in, but not necessarily by us."

'You may have found more new customers than the other salesmen, but your profits are too small! Stop just pulling in peanuts, Barry!'

Game In A Can.

'That's a personal foul, roughing the passer!'

'You've been rearranging the furniture again, haven't you?'

"Easy on the fast balls, will you, kid?"

A faulty part from an independent supplier leads to the creation of a multibillion-dollar sports medicine profession.

"It's a terrific space, Tony—but do you think the TV will fit?"

'What are the chances? I mean, all 10 players simultaneously dive for a loose ball and conk heads?'

'He's known as the hardest-driving track coach in the country.'

"The mirrors really do make this apartment look bigger."

"And these are the Andersons, our tenants."

Castle Efficiency

'Gentlemen, we make money the old-fashioned way, and it's got to STOP!'

'Steeee-rike three!'

"Remember, you're only as sick as you feel."

'He's a control freak but the treats are good.'

'You have the body of a 22 year old man, providing your birthday is February 29th.'

'Tape it up real tight, Floyd ... and the other ankle too.'

St John's ambulance member "I prefer rugby myself, more blood shed"

'Same tragic story...A disgruntled athletic trainer burst into the locker room and starts taping players at random...'