Profit Optimizer T-Shirts

'The way I see it, we only have two choices, we either improve the quality of our product or we hire some really great sales people.'

Rudy, we're going to have to cut expenses. We already did that, boss. I don't think you're clear on the concept, minion. It's a way of life. Did you read one book and then never read again? Did you listen to one song and then never listen to another again? Did you kiss someone once and then never again? Cutting expenses isn't something you do just once. A good businessman cuts expenses constantly. Whether he needs to or not. You trim the fat. When you run out of fat, you trim the nerves and the

'You may have found more new customers than the other salesmen, but your profits are too small! Stop just pulling in peanuts, Barry!'

'Gentlemen, we make money the old-fashioned way, and it's got to STOP!'

"Maybe we should have another look at the 'business as usual' idea."

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

'That's what I thought, finances are tight: She's switched to no-name cat food...'

ACME Balloon Company.

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

'We believe in using performance-enhancing drugs here.. they're called bonuses.'

"It's simple supply and demand. The shorter the supply, the more money we demand."

Remember take time to stop and smell the profits.

'I'm not motivated by profit, Henderson - I'm motivated by excessive profit.'

"Sorry, but there aren't enough life jackets to go around."

'That was when I closed five distribution centres, mothballed a factory and sacked 3,000 workers.'

Miss Pike, send a memo to all members of staff.....Economies must be made.'

'I need a tool to measure productivity.'

"As you can see, we're happy with the sales report."

"How are my sales doing?"

"Thanks to my cost-cutting policies, profits are up 59%."

The bucks stop here.

'He's a control freak but the treats are good.'

'...All profits are local.'

Bank. Moving Co. Joe got an apartment above the bank. He moved his things in today. Now he can say his "assets are over ten million dollars"!

"I'd consider taking out this appendix you'renot using and greatly expanding your kidney area."

'Remember kid, if the market goes down, it's a buying opportunity and if the market goes up it's the start of a rally.'

'The town I grew up in was so affluent they used to close the schools in honor of options expiration day.'

"In keeping with my promise to spread the wealth, I'm giving you all a bigger piece of the pie."

"As you can see, the company's performance has been strong."

Piggy bank...cash cow.

'Of course, this plan requires that you all work for free.'

'Mergers and takeovers and profits, oh my! Mergers and takeovers and profits, oh my! Mergers and. . . '