Astronomer Gifts

"Look, a shooting star- let's critique it!"

"It looks as if Bodecker's project has gotten completely out of hand."

Conference on the Control of Time and Space. Left to Right: Isaac Newton, Aristotle, HG Wells, Ptolemy,Isaac Asimov, Albert Einstein, Galileo, Copernicus.

"This plaque shows nine planets, but their transmissions say their system has eight."

Beagle II not responding.

"If you look carefully you'll see that all claims are invalid except on alternate Tuesdays in June and when Venus is in alignment with Mars."

'Well, there's something you don't see every day'

Galileo describes his discoveries to the church (and gets hit over the head by the bishop/pope with the telescope that he made the discoveries with).

Entropy Seminar.

'No, Brian, an asteroid impact would never take us by surprise like it did the dinosaurs because we're highly intelligent and they were very stupid and dull-witted.'

'Are you trying to give me a heart attack??!!'

'Johannes Kepler's uphill batle'

In the middle ages: 'I believe earth is the center of the universe.'...Today:' I Know I'm the center of the universe.'

'The Big Bang theory of creation.'

'Someday, Mr. Nicky Copernicus, SOMEDAY you'll learn that the world doesn't revolve around YOU!'

Embarrassing moments in asteroid tracking.

God's My Space.

'I'll be working on the largest and smallest objects in the universe - superclusters and netrinos. I'd like you to handle everything in between.'

"I've just discovered the universe is built from trillions and trillions of lego blocks!"

"Be realistic, how can lumps of rock zooming around in space affect our lives down here?"

'Just checking.'

Just before The Big Bang

"Hey Arthur, check it out, a shooting star. That's a sure sign of luck, my friend."

Testing the Big Bangs theory.

'This is embarrassing. By MY calculations, the universe should have collapsed in on itself last Wednesday.'

'Did you hear about Pluto? - He got demoted to 'dwarf planet' for noncompliance.'

All the People of the World See the Same Moon.

"The world revolves around my cat."

Rocket.

'Bad news, fellas... it's inventory time.'

'The vasteness of the universe makes me feel so small and insignificant.'

A microbe using his macroscope to search for intelligent forms of life.

'That? No, that isn't a UFO. It's on the ground now, and you've identified it. That makes it an IGO.'

"Captain, there appears to be an invisible force field between the gate posts that is preventing us from entering the next pasture!"

'What do you mean, you can't look at the Milky Way because you're lactose-intolerant?'