Astrology Appetite Admirer Gifts

"Your moon is in the House of Pancakes."

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

"The Chinese Zodiac told me to marry a sheep. Who am I to question hundreds of years of ancient Chinese wisdom?"

Planting by the Moon.

"...Wow, if Malcolm Gladwell is right, we need to get a cat who's a Virgo ASAP!"

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

'Horoscope, stay indoors and keep your mouth shut.' 'So, no dentist.'

'We're an equal opportunity employer and we do not discriminate against sex, race, religion, age, or astrological sign.'

'My horoscope said I was going to make someone happy today.'

Yeah, well, I only failed my logic exam because I'm a Pisces and my professor's a Leo.

'Fortune telling/retirement planning'

The Inner Dog.

"We're not compatible. I'm a Virgo and your an idiot..."

"So, what is your star sign?"

'You're a water sign and I'm an earth sign. . .Together we're mud.'

Uranus always gets a bad rap. Tap tap tap tap tap. What do you mean, dorkboy? I mean, no matter how mature people think they are, they always, always want to chuckle when they say "Uranus." Come on, Sadie. You know you want to smirk, even if it's in secret. What if I told you Uranus is slightly bigger than Neptune? Not chuckling! Uranus is always the butt of the joke.

Yeah, well, I only failed my logic exam because I'm a Pisces and my professor's a Leo.

"Running of the the chickens!? This is crazy! Dad, no one celebrates Hispanic Heritage Month like this!"

Monster Horrorscopes

Devilled Eggs

"I used to believe in astrology, UFO's, reincarnation, ESP, and all that stuff - in a former life, of course."

Alarming symptoms after eating boiled beef and gooseberry pie

'Hors-D'oeuvre, Madam?'

"Leftovers"

Documentation Please

Al, you look nonplussed. I just heard that they discovered a new astrological sign, and my birthday now falls under the sign of the jackass.

Fortune Tellers Convention

'Yeah, I'm a trife scorpio - what of it?'

Kitchen - Sign reads 'Out of Hors D'Oeuvres.'

"Eye irritation is quite common when Saturn and Jupiter are in this position. It's called conjunctivitis."

"Oh, I listen to my body at meal time, but the messages aren't clear because its mouth is full!"

"We're out of empanadas!"

Eve makes a discovery with far reaching ramifications. Our star signs aren't compatible.

(Omi God! Pigs in a blanket!)