Aspiring Talk-show Host Pillows

"Note cards, like a TV talk-show host! Now I can talk intelligently on any subject!"

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

The President Elect approved by 3 out of 4 talk show hosts!

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

"This is a hell of a way to start a magazine."

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

'Not only will you know everything but I'll see that you get your own talk show.'

LATE NIGHT WITH DAVID MAMET

Presenter Auditions.

"So—who are you angry at currently?"

"Welcome back to the We Were Bored and Had Nothing Else To Do podcast."

"I wanted a partner... I got a co-host."

"You want to be a comedian? You can't be serious!"

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

'What TV show do frog princes go on ...?...'

Jerry Springer of biblical times.

"When did you first notice you were larger than life?"

Child steps off chair and says, 'Tough crowd.'(Cat looks impassive)

"Dad, will you play judge and tell me if Raymond or Joey is the father of my baby doll?"

"Did you hear Sadie's show today?"

Night Life: L.A.

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

Men discussing a book on a chat show

Dr. Phil takes it home.

Trappist talk show.

"I understand they've uncovered some weird new side effects since you were here last."

"Yes, the market did advance this week, Rebecca, but we feel it's somewhat of a 'dead-cat bounce.'"

How to get on talk shows by promoting your new book