Aspiring Stand-up Traveler Gifts

"Yes, who do I punch in the face for overbooking my flight?"

Carefree luggage.

Dear Diary. . . why, oh why, did I choose an adventure holiday?

Airport Security.

'Camping is nature's way of promoting B&Bs.'

The Euro-Trash Trashcan

"Let's see, I make it four suitcases, a rolling bag, and a tote bag... You sure that's enough for our two day trip?"

'Hang on a second, I think I have a sand castle in my shoe.'

Camping holidays in the British summer.

"Didn't you just say that?"

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

"We're off. We got a loan to fill er up!"

'If the GPS has to tell you, 'No, we're not there yet' one more time...'

"I thought they just hibernated for the winter."

"If your luggage is in your clothes it doesn't count!"

"Rule #1: don't offer to carry anything!"

'This one is a bit different - twelve Indian call centres in eight days.'

'Our trip to Florida was great until Rob took us driving with the dolphins.'

"Well, we did book the Grill Suite I suppose."

Billy strip: comic will make you sick.

"You want to be a comedian? You can't be serious!"

'Are we there yet! Are we there yet! Are we there yet!'

"Don't worry. If we're too late, we can always catch the secondary screening."

The leaning tower of Pizza.

A pocket of pygmies - "Have you anything to declare sir?"

"Nobody at school will laugh at me."

'Your luggage went to Bosnia-Herzegovina, sir, and I'm afraid they're holding it for ransom.'

Child steps off chair and says, 'Tough crowd.'(Cat looks impassive)

Biliard Enthusiast

Val and Les could see a fork in the road but they weren't expecting a dip.

Orville Wright, not sure he wants to eat airline food, brings a sandwich to his historic first flight.

"Once again, how little did you pay for this room?"

"I think I know why they call it 'Happydale'!"

'HA! Your last chance 86 miles back.'