Aspiring Speaker Gifts

"Now tell me more about your fear of speaking in front of an audience."

"Ambitions. . . To . . . Er. . . Um . . . Become. . . Er. . . Um. . . A. . . Er. . . Um . . . Motivational. . . Er. . . Um. . . Speaker."

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

'The C minus was sufficient. I didn't need the advice against hiring a literary agent.'

"So...what are you doing after you graduate?"

Carmel Buildings, Portman Square: A temperance meeting.

"I try to write a little bit every day."

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

Great works I plan to complete during the lockdown.

It was my story. A murder mystery. A who-done-it-and-got-away-with-it-until-he-wrote-about-it.

" 'How I Spent My Summer Vacation,' a treatment by Todd Mozelle, Grade Three."

"The teacher expects too much of me. She wants me to give it the old college try, and I'm only in grade school."

"I thought your show-and-tell was really brave."

I'm writing the Great American novel, one bill at a time.

"This is a hell of a way to start a magazine."

"If you saw a book with the title 'An American Speaks Out,' would you buy it?"

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

"Those are the failed attempts at my first novel."

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

'I would love to run for class president, but I'm concerned about the vetting process. I once faked sleep during nap time in pre-school.'

'It's my application to Harvard...'

'I can't promise you a best seller but I can give you fifteen minutes of fame.'

Presenter Auditions.

"What made you start blogging about success?"

'Publshing Books for Dummies.'

'I've had a few short stories published, but I'd really like to write 'the Great American How to Write a Novel.''

"Obviously, I can't fly like you, but if you teach me, I can probably sing like you..."

"A major crime publisher is interested in publishing your homework!"

"Nobody at school will laugh at me."

'Be gentle with me, it's my first novel.'

'I don't understand your question. Could you restate it as an answer?'

"Whoops - I Accidentally Pressed 'Elevator Pitch.'"

"When I grow up I'm going to be a ghost writer."

"This X-Ray proves conclusively that you don't have a book in you."

'Your novel has an up-to-the-moment breaking news quality. We intend to publish it in 2012.'