Aspiring Angelic Executive Pillows

"One final question: If we were to hire you, where do you see yourself in five years?"

"I thought there would be bacon here."

I'm sorry, all our angels are busy at the moment. Please hold and your prayers will be answered in the order it was received.

"Because of the economic situation they've relaxed the rules."

'I store all my data in the cloud.'

"This is neither Heaven nor Hell. It's the private sector."

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

"The last thing I remember was asking my broker if all my money had been in risk-free bonds."

"Well, if I can't get an increase based on merit, how about one based on the cost of living beyond my means?"

"Shouldn't be long before we're at the top."

"I don't understand what people are saying up here."

'If this is really Heaven, why do you have a desk job?'

Man flying to heaven on small angel wings

"I was an attorney, but I was also one heck of a nice guy."

'Eternity isn't bad, so long as they allow us to day-trade.'

'He made it big in the athlete prayer industry.'

"If our proposal's a success, control yourself and don't start running around the room barking."

"I enjoyed your request for a raise. I've seldom read a more aspirational document."

"It has yet to turn a profit."

"It's very nice. I just think they could add a spa."

Danger! Snake heaven.

'Management says we've had it too good for too long. They're demanding concessions.'

'Well of course I believed, but I never really thought it was true.'

Marriage Heaven

'I realize this might be carping but I never did live long enough to enjoy my IRA account.'

'So, where's the mall?'

What? Why the heck not?

'He's back! He just couldn't stand the idea of the stock market going up without him.'

Plus, it keeps it warm.

Heavenly politics. Campaigns here are different from those down on earth. Saint Peter has a complete file on everybody, so there's total transparency up here. Our debates are friendly and the ads are all positive. And here the incumbent in the highest office always runs unopposed. That's all true, but in one way the camaigns up here are just like the ones on earth. They go on for eternity.

"Great, just my luck."

Angel talking to broker

'Thank you for contacting The Pearly Gates. Your call may be monitored for training purposes...'

'Sorry, the 'Guns Everywhere' law is not in effect up here!'

"Can someone have a word with Jenkins about his dress code? Quite frankly, it's unprofessional."