Aspiring Ad Mastermind Pillows

'First, we need to discredit the public's notion that the best things in life are free.'

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

"Welcome to the future"

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

'We want everyone to remember our name.'

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"Think of it as buying in – not selling out."

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

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Create some buzz!

'If only every year was an election year.'

"We're playing doctor. Do you have any old magazines for our waiting room?"

'I guess every team needs a creative renegade.'

If nobody had invented graphics

"You're a strong, virile stallion of a man, Randy. Has anyone ever told you that?"

Creative department

Crap from the future.

"Technically he's a zombie but we'll market him as a hybrid."

Important Food Groups

'Which sounds better: 'now with MORE XZ100' or 'now with LESS XZ100'?'

"So let's roll up our sleeves and show that America still builds the world's greatest advertising."

'We've re-branded.'

'He's written some great slogans and some great labels, but he's never written a great coupon.'

'It's some more story ideas from Francis Bacon.'

Direct Marketing...

XYZ Inc, putting a folksy, human face on unfettered corporate greed for over 50 years.

'Okay, okay, be patient!'

"Our focus group will butcher your focus group."

The bad news is our boxer shorts are still bursting into flames. The good news is our brand recognition is through the roof

'Tomorrow's special is fish, so wear the flounder suit.'

"We had a brainstorm - I hope it's a brainchild."