Aspiring Ad Mastermind Gifts

'First, we need to discredit the public's notion that the best things in life are free.'

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"Welcome to the future"

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

'We want everyone to remember our name.'

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

This Message Has No Content

"Think of it as buying in – not selling out."

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

'As our new company logo, I'm not quite sure it's sending out the right message.'

Create some buzz!

'If only every year was an election year.'

"We're playing doctor. Do you have any old magazines for our waiting room?"

'I guess every team needs a creative renegade.'

If nobody had invented graphics

"You're a strong, virile stallion of a man, Randy. Has anyone ever told you that?"

Creative department

Crap from the future.

"Technically he's a zombie but we'll market him as a hybrid."

Important Food Groups

'Which sounds better: 'now with MORE XZ100' or 'now with LESS XZ100'?'

"So let's roll up our sleeves and show that America still builds the world's greatest advertising."

'We've re-branded.'

'It's some more story ideas from Francis Bacon.'

'He's written some great slogans and some great labels, but he's never written a great coupon.'

Direct Marketing...

XYZ Inc, putting a folksy, human face on unfettered corporate greed for over 50 years.

'Okay, okay, be patient!'

'Tomorrow's special is fish, so wear the flounder suit.'

The bad news is our boxer shorts are still bursting into flames. The good news is our brand recognition is through the roof

"Our focus group will butcher your focus group."