Asked Someone Out Pillows

'Would you like to go on a date?' - 'Who with?' - 'Me?' - 'What, ironically, you mean?' - 'I was looking for a sympathy date, really.' - 'Let's not get too ambitious, eh?' -

"This place has the best happy hour."

"'Tis the story of a woeful refugee... ...whose plight has been forgotten. An admirable, amiable sort is he... but boy is he downtrodden. With courage of the kind you rarely see, he defended this land, when Redcoats invaded over land and sea, peck their knees and hands. And how did America repay this debt it owed its forest bird? Did you put our noble visage on the national seal as we would have preferred? No... You ate us. Just like the British did. I really think that it's the least you can do

Professional woman in pub

'Fill her up. No ice - it takes up valuable space!'

"Za Za Bling Bling goes man hunting."

'I'd like to tell you all about it, dear, but what happens in Joe's Bar STAYS in Joe's Bar.'

If you're looking for a good time, you'll find it; if you can't find it, it will find you....

Caricatures of Political Figures Exhibited at the Opera Ball

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

"It's not the heat that gets you it's the ants."

"Okay,let's go through this one more time. I asked for a LEMON in my water, not a LEMMING."

'We've decided to babysit for you, while you go out to a late-night show.'

'Here's how you'll know for sure. Does he always get dreamy and say it, like 'I l-o-o-o-v-e you,' - or is it just a tossed-off, 'Love ya!?'

"You've reached Randy, the dating doctor. What ails you?"

'Ha ha, you're covered in Cinemuck!'

'Get the theatre ready we got another one from the cocktail bar.'

'I assumed he'd know to eat the cone last.'

'The wife loves to go dancing Saturday nights.'

'Yeah, I think we have a future together. Would I write you a post-dated check for my half of the dinner if I didn't?'

"I've done nothing Instagrammable for months."

"Let's go clubbing."

"Keep an eye on Old Bound Volume of Harpers. He's on the make."

'Love and marriage?- I'm afraid I can't help you much with that, young fellow.'

"It's Friday night. Let's go find something new to hate."

'I heard you got a job at that new club. It must be great."

"Yes, our drinks are very expensive, but that includes your cab fare home."

Ask Sadie is back. You're on, caller. What's your problem? My wife finally answered my emails. She wants me back. She says she's sorry she left me for her personal trainer. She said making mad, passionate love to him has become unfulfilling. She said she's tired of the excitement, tired of his fancy house, tired of the lavish trips around the world, and tired of him not snoring like a jackhammer, like I always do. Let go and move on, you ninny!!! She said she's especially tired of his ability to

'And don't say you could have done it cheaper and better at home.'

'Wow!... Look at the personality on her!'

Warbling on the First Date

'Face it, Tharg, girls just don't want to be abducted any more.'

'We can't stop here for a picnic, you know I need to find a stream to wash my food...'

'Mind throwing him back? It's his round...'

All dressed up without the slightest idea why.