Asceticism T-Shirts

'I don't know - asceticism just doesn't seem like ENOUGH any more,'

"Thirty-seven years up here and my ears STILL pop!"

"Which of these will look the prettiest without the others?"

Books / Coffee table books

By the year 2500, 1 in 10 academics will devote their entire career to divining the meaning of the word 'sussudio'.

Ill next Thursday

"Now don't expect any miracles. I'm only a para-scientist."

"Hold up ... where’s the ranch dressing?"

"I'm the black sheep of the family because I'm afraid of the dark."

"What I like about intelligent design is that it explains everything will proving nothing."

"The damsel-in-distress thing is just one of several income streams that I pursue."

Ave Atque Vale- Illustrates Beardsley's Translation of Carmen CI of Catullus

Warning: Cathartic manifestations of childhood trauma next 5 miles

"Vegas"

"Miss Penny to inquire about the tardiness of evening kibble."

"You’ll get nothingness and like it."

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

Psychic: Palm reading, tarot, and lost and found.

'Government regulations are simple and explicit - ONE guru to a mountain top!'

Congressionally Mandated Themes For The Daytime Talk Shows

"Her ladyship isn't in—wait, yes, no—so sorry, she's out."

The Nobility Scooter

'I need you to blow into this breathalyzer, right after this important commercial message.'

"All I have is tofu."

Astral Projection Society: In Body....Out of Body.

"How come we never sleep at my place?"

'You're suppposed to put me on a pedestal!'

'Darling, I'll have my coffee in my den...'

"Why do all butlers say m' lud at the end of every sentence!"

Countess

A poet with wings

"And on the floor is the present duchess...."

"Where's the damn bottle-opener?" "It's his day off, sir."

Queen Elizabeth II

"I was a late bloomer—I didn't inherit my money until my fifties."