Artisan Market Goer Gifts

"I can’t bear the self-satisfied unless I’m self-medicated."

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

'MY husband made the coffee table out of an old door.'

"Lovely dovetail."

Artisan hot dog stand has pigs tethered to it.

"He's quick with the birds and bees stuff, but then comes the bulls and the bears..."

Why markets crash.

'Perfect. Do you deliver?'

"Yuppies! There goes the hood!"

"Take the off this minute, young lady."

"I always end up buying way more black-truffle honey than I intended."

Hedge Fund: Our 'Swaps' which mimic stocks, were voted #1 derivative of the year!

Jumping Wall Street.

'Mr Rombly has cancelled his appointment. The Dow is up and he's feeling no pain.'

"AXP 0.78, AIG 1.12, T 2.63. . ."

Luthier

About the potter.

"Market euphoria is at an all time high."

"Consumer confidence remains high as long as we keep them distracted buying stuff."

"Let's try to think of something that untold millions of people will buy."

'Today, stocks rose on the news that the more people have, the more they want.'

Young costermonger trying to sell to a gentleman.

'The bailouts worked, the stock market shot up to 15,000 and everyone was relieved.'

"I recommend you invest in oil. Prices are down now, but auto leaks are up."

"I can now fetch anything you want - on Etsy."

Wall Street Investing.

'I'm home, Honey! Come see what I picked up at the Farmers Market!'

"Any beaver can cut down trees, but marquetry, now that's art."

'Fresh eggs!'

"Just so you understand in advance - we're not old-time craftsmen, and we don't take pride in our work."

Pottery Slam

"It's all locally-sourced, made from scratch."