Artisan Beverages Gifts

I love Pretentious Coffee.

A Good Batch.

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"I always end up buying way more black-truffle honey than I intended."

Bottle Distillery

Joyce could certainly handle her drink!

"Not while they're making artisanal bread."

"How are we on bread?"

"I'd like a fat-free, gluten-free, MSG-free, mini, super-skinny, artisan latte please..."

Hipster Coffee

"A barista should always follow his instincts."

"Apparently the carrot is locally sourced, the whisky is craft, the mince pie is gluten-free..."

Cheesemaker

'And here's a year's supply of Jim's Pinot Noir. When you taste it, you'll know why it's a year's supply.'

Cheese Hole

"Could I have a skinny, half fat caramel infued Americano with a double shot and froth. . . but without the coffee!"

'Actually I was trained to be a chemist, but I'm learning fast.'

"It's a new craft beverage with zero carbs, zero calories, and no bitter aftertaste. It's called water."

"This one's a blend of historical and contemporary botanicals."

"Made with pride in our basement."

Now at the Farmers' Market

'One unexpected problem I've run into, since making my own wine, is finding foods to pair with 160-proof Burgundy.'

'This wine is made from fermented raisins by convicts in the state penitentiary...'

Zeke only drinks craft hootch from a micro-still nowadays.

Hipster and his beard in a mug.

Zeke only drinks craft hootch form a micro-still nowadays.

"Don't say anything, but these aren't really artisanal bread crumbs."