Artificial Glow Enthusiast Pillows

'This tanning booth's playing up again, Brian.'

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

"Can't you do something more creative than messing around with cupboard doors?"

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

"Something went wrong after you inserted tab A into slot B."

Diamond outfits

"Sweetie, I'm back from the dead!"

"Except for that wall socket, the whole damn thing is a trompe-l'oeil."

"May I recommend THIS property? It's ideal for first-time haunters..."

'Your deceased husband keeps saying: don't call him. He'll call you.'

"The Ruin is under new management. Specters will manage wraiths, shades and spirits. All others report to be spook resources. Bonuses will be based on team work and synergy."

'Is there a lady in the audience whose late husband says he never did put up that shelf?'

'Egad! It's the ghosts of sanity past!'

'Sweetie, I'm back from the dead!'

'It's only fair Geraldine. I had to meet your parents.'

The Famed Florsheim Illusion.

"At long last we've discovered evidence of a poultrygeist!"

'It's only the library ghost - he was a great poet but a failed novelist.'

'But Doc, I am an eagle: I can't be seen wearing glasses... Can't you prescribe contact lenses?'

"When I grow up I'm going to be a ghost writer."

The response of a spirit during a seance is in fact an annoyed neighbour.

"I'm the ghost of Christmas Tree Future, and honestly, it doesn't turn out well for you."

Shirley MacLaine caricature

A tessellation of running figures.

Haunted museum

"You put it on backward, dear."

The Depressing Economic Crisis

"You see a haunted house, I see a house with good bones."

"I want you kids to always follow your hopes and screams."

"Do you believe in ghosts?"