Arthurian Tales Gifts

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Excalibur.

King Arthur on the lake trying to open letters when the lady of the lake offers a letter opener.

Lady of the bath...

"The knights of the round accent table"

Swiss army knife

Knights of the bedside table.

'I'd like a round table!'

Knights queue up to attempt to pull excalibur with a claw machine.

Knights of the Square Table.

"This year the endowed chair will go to whomever pulls the sword from the stone."

'Why round? Why not square? Or rectangle? Or a triangle? Or . . . '

The Tennis Racket in the Stone

Knights of the Round Whatever

"Whosoever pulleth this sword from this stone, and can eat just two or three of these double-chocolate Amaretto things without finishing the whole box, shall be king born of England!"

'Whoever wants my job must lift the sword from the stone.'

'Put the sword back in the stone right now, little girl, and we'll pretend this never happened.'

'The small sword? That's for internships.'

"The road ahead is filled with danger. Take this lawyer for protection."

"They're my Knights of the Round Table! - Stop calling them my focus group!"

'The sword in the stone was just a warm-up - now you must remove this remote control ...'

A popular stall at the Giant Sunday Pack Horse Contents Sale in Newark.

Illustration for 'A Legend of Camelot', scene 2.

"Whoever pulls it out becomes King of Britain, but Phil licked the handle, so..."

"Whoa, Galahad-you've got a bad case of knight face."

"What a midfield wizard!"

Lady of the Remote

Camelot Arms Fair

Sir Cowalot.

Lady of the Lake/Sharks

The Lady of the Lake stabs a duck.

Whosoever draweth out the publishing, recording, and distribution contracts from the stone shall forever be acknowledged as the Duke of Earl, and nothing can stop him.