Arthurian Tales Gifts

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Excalibur.

King Arthur on the lake trying to open letters when the lady of the lake offers a letter opener.

Lady of the bath...

"The knights of the round accent table"

Swiss army knife

Knights of the bedside table.

'I'd like a round table!'

Sadie, I just heard something disturbing, and I think you're the only one who can tell me whether it's true. Youtube is telling me we've lived 300 years of phantom time. Pope Gregory XIII's math was off when he created our calendar, and this is actually the year 1717. What's more, the "Middle Ages" is just a fiction the pope created to explain his rounding error. You were there, Sadie ... Did King Arthur really exist? I'll tell you all about that nice boy, as soon as I demonstrate how we dealt w

Knights queue up to attempt to pull excalibur with a claw machine.

Knights of the Square Table.

"This year the endowed chair will go to whomever pulls the sword from the stone."

'Why round? Why not square? Or rectangle? Or a triangle? Or . . . '

The Tennis Racket in the Stone

"Whosoever pulleth this sword from this stone, and can eat just two or three of these double-chocolate Amaretto things without finishing the whole box, shall be king born of England!"

'Whoever wants my job must lift the sword from the stone.'

Knights of the Round Whatever

'Put the sword back in the stone right now, little girl, and we'll pretend this never happened.'

'The small sword? That's for internships.'

"The road ahead is filled with danger. Take this lawyer for protection."

"They're my Knights of the Round Table! - Stop calling them my focus group!"

'The sword in the stone was just a warm-up - now you must remove this remote control ...'

A popular stall at the Giant Sunday Pack Horse Contents Sale in Newark.

"Whoever pulls it out becomes King of Britain, but Phil licked the handle, so..."

Lady of the Remote

Illustration for 'A Legend of Camelot', scene 2.

P.C. in the Stone

Museum of Legend. 6th Century. King Arthur. I wonder which one of King Arthur's knights invented the round table? Sir Cumference.

"Whoa, Galahad-you've got a bad case of knight face."

"What a midfield wizard!"

Sir Cowalot.

Camelot Arms Fair

Sword rises, Excalibur like, from body of patient undergoing operation.

The Lady of the Lake stabs a duck.

Whosoever draweth out the publishing, recording, and distribution contracts from the stone shall forever be acknowledged as the Duke of Earl, and nothing can stop him.

The Lady Of The Leek.