Arthurian Tale Fan Gifts

"The road ahead is filled with danger. Take this lawyer for protection."

King Arthur on the lake trying to open letters when the lady of the lake offers a letter opener.

Lady of the bath...

Swiss army knife

"The knights of the round accent table"

Knights of the bedside table.

'I'd like a round table!'

Odysseus starts regretting his return to Ithaca.

Knights queue up to attempt to pull excalibur with a claw machine.

"This year the endowed chair will go to whomever pulls the sword from the stone."

Knights of the Square Table.

'Why round? Why not square? Or rectangle? Or a triangle? Or . . . '

Moses comes to Los Angeles.

'The small sword? That's for internships.'

'Put the sword back in the stone right now, little girl, and we'll pretend this never happened.'

'Whoever wants my job must lift the sword from the stone.'

Pizza at the Round Table

The Tennis Racket in the Stone

"Whosoever pulleth this sword from this stone, and can eat just two or three of these double-chocolate Amaretto things without finishing the whole box, shall be king born of England!"

Knights of the Round Whatever

'The sword in the stone was just a warm-up - now you must remove this remote control ...'

"They're my Knights of the Round Table! - Stop calling them my focus group!"

A popular stall at the Giant Sunday Pack Horse Contents Sale in Newark.

"Whoever pulls it out becomes King of Britain, but Phil licked the handle, so..."

Lady of the Remote

Illustration for 'A Legend of Camelot', scene 2.

"Whoa, Galahad-you've got a bad case of knight face."

"What a midfield wizard!"

Sir Cowalot.

Camelot Arms Fair

The Lady of the Lake stabs a duck.