Arthurian Fan Gifts

Pizza at the Round Table

'Soup's off.'

King Arthur on the lake trying to open letters when the lady of the lake offers a letter opener.

Lady of the bath...

Swiss army knife

"The knights of the round accent table"

Knights of the bedside table.

'I'd like a round table!'

Sadie, I just heard something disturbing, and I think you're the only one who can tell me whether it's true. Youtube is telling me we've lived 300 years of phantom time. Pope Gregory XIII's math was off when he created our calendar, and this is actually the year 1717. What's more, the "Middle Ages" is just a fiction the pope created to explain his rounding error. You were there, Sadie ... Did King Arthur really exist? I'll tell you all about that nice boy, as soon as I demonstrate how we dealt w

Knights queue up to attempt to pull excalibur with a claw machine.

"This year the endowed chair will go to whomever pulls the sword from the stone."

Knights of the Square Table.

'Why round? Why not square? Or rectangle? Or a triangle? Or . . . '

Knights of the Round Whatever

'The small sword? That's for internships.'

'Put the sword back in the stone right now, little girl, and we'll pretend this never happened.'

'Whoever wants my job must lift the sword from the stone.'

The Tennis Racket in the Stone

"Whosoever pulleth this sword from this stone, and can eat just two or three of these double-chocolate Amaretto things without finishing the whole box, shall be king born of England!"

"The road ahead is filled with danger. Take this lawyer for protection."

"They're my Knights of the Round Table! - Stop calling them my focus group!"

'The sword in the stone was just a warm-up - now you must remove this remote control ...'

A popular stall at the Giant Sunday Pack Horse Contents Sale in Newark.

"But now it won't stay in mint condition."

I just discovered how to make bronze! Ah, thinking outside the rocks!

"Whoever pulls it out becomes King of Britain, but Phil licked the handle, so..."

"What a midfield wizard!"

Illustration for 'A Legend of Camelot', scene 2.

"Whoa, Galahad-you've got a bad case of knight face."

Museum of Legend. 6th Century. King Arthur. I wonder which one of King Arthur's knights invented the round table? Sir Cumference.

P.C. in the Stone

Lady of the Remote

'We'd better patent this, so the homo sapiens can't steal it from us, like they did with the fire.'

Camelot Arms Fair

Sir Cowalot.