Arthurian Fan Gifts

Pizza at the Round Table

King Arthur on the lake trying to open letters when the lady of the lake offers a letter opener.

Lady of the bath...

"The knights of the round accent table"

Swiss army knife

Knights of the bedside table.

'I'd like a round table!'

Knights queue up to attempt to pull excalibur with a claw machine.

"This year the endowed chair will go to whomever pulls the sword from the stone."

Knights of the Square Table.

'Why round? Why not square? Or rectangle? Or a triangle? Or . . . '

'Whoever wants my job must lift the sword from the stone.'

Knights of the Round Whatever

'The small sword? That's for internships.'

'Put the sword back in the stone right now, little girl, and we'll pretend this never happened.'

The Tennis Racket in the Stone

"Whosoever pulleth this sword from this stone, and can eat just two or three of these double-chocolate Amaretto things without finishing the whole box, shall be king born of England!"

"The road ahead is filled with danger. Take this lawyer for protection."

"They're my Knights of the Round Table! - Stop calling them my focus group!"

'The sword in the stone was just a warm-up - now you must remove this remote control ...'

A popular stall at the Giant Sunday Pack Horse Contents Sale in Newark.

Lady of the Remote

"But now it won't stay in mint condition."

"Whoever pulls it out becomes King of Britain, but Phil licked the handle, so..."

"Whoa, Galahad-you've got a bad case of knight face."

Illustration for 'A Legend of Camelot', scene 2.

"What a midfield wizard!"

'We'd better patent this, so the homo sapiens can't steal it from us, like they did with the fire.'

Camelot Arms Fair

Sir Cowalot.

The Lady of the Lake stabs a duck.