Art School Enrollment Gifts

Picasso: The Early Years

The Art Student.

'On your mark. Get set. Create!'

"You've got a long, long road ahead of you, young man."

'It's good - but it's not digital quality.'

The Artist

"I would like a tube of lemon yellow, cadmium red, cobalt blue, ivory, black, and zinc white, a sixteen-by-twenty canvas, a couple of brushes, and that book 'Painting in Oils'."

"I'm afraid you were drawn too big and not centered on the page."

"An unfortunate museum gift shop." "Banksy activity set." "Jackson Pollock coloring book." "MC Escher building blocks." "Claes Oldenburg miniatures." "Marceau Marceau CDs." "Seurat's connect-the-dots aaAAAAA."

'Projectile painting.'

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

Just call me Picasso!

"The Leonardos, the Raphaels, Titians, Veroneses, Giottos... Italy wants them back, all 427 of them."

"So, Sandra, what can you tell us about your lovely mood board?"

"Judging by the number of 'Polar Bear in snowstorm' paintings the class seems apprehensive using color."

'Hold everything! -- The National Endowment for the Arts changed its mind!'

German School

"I like it, honey ... it speaks to what a waste of time your MFA was."

'Is this any way to treat a budding genius?'

"I'm not an Antony Gormley, I am Antony Gormley."

Cartooning 101: Figure Drawing

"I think my mom made me a tofu sandwich."

Now I'll open up the floor to questions and batsh*t crazy rants.

'How can they call it modern art when it's 100 year's old?'

Art Plagiarism

'I've been told I have Rembrandt's golden glow.'

Like many kids, Bobby had an imaginary friend. Unfortunately for Bobby, he was a critic.

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

Cubism Model

"He had the Guggenheim in mind, I think."