Art School Dropout Pillows

'Frankly I'm surprised at such a basic error - his smock's too tight.'

The Art Student.

'On your mark. Get set. Create!'

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"You've got a long, long road ahead of you, young man."

'It's good - but it's not digital quality.'

The Artist

"I would like a tube of lemon yellow, cadmium red, cobalt blue, ivory, black, and zinc white, a sixteen-by-twenty canvas, a couple of brushes, and that book 'Painting in Oils'."

"An unfortunate museum gift shop." "Banksy activity set." "Jackson Pollock coloring book." "MC Escher building blocks." "Claes Oldenburg miniatures." "Marceau Marceau CDs." "Seurat's connect-the-dots aaAAAAA."

"I'm afraid you were drawn too big and not centered on the page."

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

'Projectile painting.'

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

"The Leonardos, the Raphaels, Titians, Veroneses, Giottos... Italy wants them back, all 427 of them."

Just call me Picasso!

"So, Sandra, what can you tell us about your lovely mood board?"

"Judging by the number of 'Polar Bear in snowstorm' paintings the class seems apprehensive using color."

'Hold everything! -- The National Endowment for the Arts changed its mind!'

German School

'How can they call it modern art when it's 100 year's old?'

"I like it, honey ... it speaks to what a waste of time your MFA was."

"I'm not an Antony Gormley, I am Antony Gormley."

The Best Art Teacher in the World.

Cartooning 101: Figure Drawing

Art Plagiarism

'I've been told I have Rembrandt's golden glow.'

Modern Portrait Gallery

'Yes, I'm very excited. I really think that I will make my mark as a surrealist miniaturist.'

Cubism Model

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

"I like it, Julian — it speaks to what a waste of time and money your MFA was."

"He had the Guggenheim in mind, I think."