Art Of Bidding Pillows

"Sold, to the gentleman with the paddle."

Auction Rooms 'Gone to lunch' sign.

'Going...Going...Gone! Sold to the lady with more money than sense.'

E-Baying @ The Moon

Sold! For £42,000 to the... No wait - it's the wrong way round!

"A hole half this size sold for 340,000 acorns last week! No inspection!"

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

Auctioneer: 'Sold to the lady whose husband just walked out!'

"Congratulations! You've won the bid."

An early Picasso painting is sold at auction - it is a painting from when Picasso was a child

"I'm sorry, honey. I thought you'd be happy that your germ-ridden blanket was such a hit on eBay."

"It's a forgery―and a recent one, too."

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

'Did you auction off our house on eBay?'

"I got it from eBay."

The Derby- Horse Auction at Tattersall's

". . . and that dumb Mrs. Parker could have figured I had the Ace, King and Jack, but no, she goes ahead bidding in hearts. . ."

I think you just paid £5000 for cricket box, not a box at the cricket.

"I got the cream, but the bulk of the old lady's estate is going to auction."

"I'm sorry, I can't assist with this request."

Moderne Auction Today - This end up!

'You bought it - you can lie in it!'

This isn't a good time to see him --- He just got outbid for a soul on eBay. Beelzebub.

'Of course, some assembly is required. That's why my bid was so low.'

'Enough EBAY already!'

"... $3 million, I have $3 million. Can I get $4 million? Yes, $4 million ..."

'That's a decent offer but if I wanted to sell my soul, I would put it up for bids.'

I brake for anything discarded that I can bring to the antiques roadshow.

How much for a blueberry scone? $3.25. I'll give you $1.20. Huh? $1.40. $1.45. It's not negotiable. Shrewd. $1.65. $2.00. $2.10. $2.25, but I want free shipping! Ebay addicts. $3 for your sandwich. $6.

"Well, they were the low bidders."

'Maybe that will teach you not to buy a manure spreader without seeing it first.'

'It may be industrial strength Crazy Glue©, but substituting it for welds isn't the way to be low bidder.'

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."

'Stamp auction' WW2 Victory stamps on two fingers

'Sold! $287,500 to bidder #349!'