Art Of Bidding Pillows

"Sold, to the gentleman with the paddle."

Auction Rooms 'Gone to lunch' sign.

'Going...Going...Gone! Sold to the lady with more money than sense.'

E-Baying @ The Moon

Sold! For £42,000 to the... No wait - it's the wrong way round!

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

"A hole half this size sold for 340,000 acorns last week! No inspection!"

Auctioneer: 'Sold to the lady whose husband just walked out!'

"Congratulations! You've won the bid."

'Did you auction off our house on eBay?'

"It's a forgery―and a recent one, too."

"I'm sorry, honey. I thought you'd be happy that your germ-ridden blanket was such a hit on eBay."

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

". . . and that dumb Mrs. Parker could have figured I had the Ace, King and Jack, but no, she goes ahead bidding in hearts. . ."

"I got it from eBay."

The Derby- Horse Auction at Tattersall's

I think you just paid £5000 for cricket box, not a box at the cricket.

Moderne Auction Today - This end up!

"I'm sorry, I can't assist with this request."

"I got the cream, but the bulk of the old lady's estate is going to auction."

'Of course, some assembly is required. That's why my bid was so low.'

'Enough EBAY already!'

'That's a decent offer but if I wanted to sell my soul, I would put it up for bids.'

I brake for anything discarded that I can bring to the antiques roadshow.

"... $3 million, I have $3 million. Can I get $4 million? Yes, $4 million ..."

"Well, they were the low bidders."

'Maybe that will teach you not to buy a manure spreader without seeing it first.'

'It may be industrial strength Crazy Glue©, but substituting it for welds isn't the way to be low bidder.'

'Sold! $287,500 to bidder #349!'

'Stamp auction' WW2 Victory stamps on two fingers

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."

"One human arm torn off by a roomba - starting bid is 500 volts."

Paddlithic Period