Art Gallery Security T-Shirts

"Hop it! We don't like your sort in here!"

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

'It's a Joan Biro.'

Nothing like traveling hundreds of miles to immerse yourself in art for the sole purpose of killing time between meals.

Misunderstood artist

"Me? How about you go closer and read the plaque!"

'Some days I just feel so stuck in a rut that I wish I'd never been invented!'

Well, you know these child prodigies - they can be very demanding about how their work is displayed.

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Painting taking root...

'No, Timmy, we are not supposed to connect them.'

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

'I imagine you'll be asking for a full refund.'

'I just love this work from his macaroni period,'

"It said this 'Spilt Coffee' series afforded her a lifetime of lattes."

"The Leonardos, the Raphaels, Titians, Veroneses, Giottos... Italy wants them back, all 427 of them."

"Now this I get."

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

'My interpretation is that it deals with the artist's utter frustration over the scarcity of remaining, reasonable equity values.'

'Wow, talk about genius!'

'Miss Donahue would give him an F.'

Escher exhibition first floor

'What do you suppose he's trying to say?'

I painted them all from memory.

Art Gallery.

Rodin's Cattle-Grid

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

Sold! For £42,000 to the... No wait - it's the wrong way round!

'It was restored just last year, and changed from an abstract painting to a landscape.'

German School

Curators at the Louvre Museum would regret approving the installation of a work on a wall behind the Mona Lisa.

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

"I read 'Art News.'"