Guardian Of Galleries T-Shirts

'Poor thing. He got left out in the acid rain.'

"Hold it right there, ma'am! If you get too close to the artwork, I'll have to ask you to leave the gallery."

The Zoo.

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

"He likes it."

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

"Mom, please shake my chair. I'm taking a virtual school bus ride before class begins."

"Tommy!"

Culture Saturday

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

"Well, young man... just consider yourself grounded!"

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

Deaths from Coronavirus

'Can you tell me what I've written? I can't read!'

'Sure, go ahead! Evolve! It's all the rage, I know! Have fun! I'll just sit here in this murky, primordial soup with nothing but plankton for company. Why should you stay here with your mother? The one who raised you, fed you...'

"My mom programmed my toothbrush to follow me until I use it. It's cruel but effective."

'I could do that.'

A baby playing on a grand piano

"I don't know anything about art, but this is a damned good Martini."

"Look, it's my word balloon."

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

'I just love this work from his macaroni period,'

The Rise of Modern Art

"Young man, go to your room and stay there until your cerebral cortex matures."

'From an aesthetic perspective, it has heart, beauty and intrigue, but is it a viable process design?'

'Wow, talk about genius!'

The Bearskin Hat Family

M.C. Escher Exhibit Upstairs.

'You must be Jimmy's father . . .'

"An educational toy is my immediate goal, but my long range plan is to get him on Jeapordy!"

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

'The kids just love doing paint by numbers.'

"You can't make me eat Brussel sprouts Mum: it's illegal to force-feed geese in this country!"

"Sure I used drugs when I was your age, but they were all prescribed for acne."