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"You've got a long, long road ahead of you, young man."

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

Unfinished painting of a monster in a lake sits beside the lake with no painter in sight

"Personally, I'm a doer."

"Swiping won't cut it sonny-boy, you have to physically walk to the next painting."

'It's cutting edge theatre.'

Convenience.

Kid doing cave paintings

Rodin's Browser

The Cremaster Cycle

'Sophie has discovered Gehry.'

""Stop fidgeting. This is supposed to be a still-life."

Art Masters as Clowns pt. 2

Anyone would think it's Frieze week...

"It has great depth, realized with such a unique economy of paint application... yet, there remains a curious aura of drivel I can't dismiss."

'It's like a piece of music, like Mozart or Beethoven.'

"Are my breasts AI? No! My cartoonist would never use AI!"

Giacometti's less famous 'Man Walking Dog'

Maria Sibylla Merian

Mammoth Posing

After three days the curator decided it was probably upside down.

(Gallerie Martorelli) (Art-Babble spoken here)

"Have we looked as though we know what it is, for long enough yet?"

Antiques

The Goal Post-Impressionists,

"I can write, but I can't draw."

'I can't tell the kitch from the schlock any more.'

"But is it content?"

'...And here's one of the artist's earliest paintings.'

The Big Picture

"It's a land flowing with milk and honey, with a small but lively arts district."

"Of course you're bored, sweetie. It's the fin de siècle."