Army Mechanic Gifts

"My neck hurts."

Servicemen.

'No wonder it was so hard to assemble. I thought it was supposed to be a basketball hoop, not a weapon of mass destruction.'

"I've never liked 'im - he's an attention seeker!"

Remounts for the Yeomanry

Kathleen felt she was stuck between Iraq and a heart place.

'We have GOT to find a new squadron name!'

My army drill instructors license plate is HUP-2-3-4.

'Being a Drill Sergeant isn't s tough - all you got to know is how to count to four.'

'Hey, boys, I wouldn't tease the guerrillas - they will shoot.'

'General, Sir, it's those damn engineers.'

'Dad, I want to drive an army tank when I'm older.'

Panzer Hut.

'Don't tell the Fuhrer I filled the war head with jellybabies, you know upset he gets.'

Global Arms Trade

"How many times have I told you not to play mechanic under the car."

"It's blank because we haven't found a new war yet."

Tiny Drones

"He's a lobbyist for the defense industry."

The March to Finchley.

General GI Joe: 'It's about time you were promoted, Joe!'

'The General won't be able to make it ,sir -he can't get a babysitter.'

Army Promotions Board. You need to select one of these contenders for promotion to lieutenant colonet. It's like being in college. I have to pick a major.

'…and if you feel dizzy and pass out - pass out lying at attention!'

'I thought this thing had been tried and tested.' 'It has... Didn't work that time either.'

"You all know General Petersen from I.T."

Acme Rubber Band Co.

New tank model with safety features: 'Sorry, sir, firing the cannon set off the airbag.'

US Airforce.

"Rustle when I call your name and I'll bring your diploma to you."

Think hard soldier! When I threw the practice grenade, did you hear me say 'fetch'?

Two Men In A Tank.

'Sorry son, you can't join: You're flat-footed...'

'Number one platoon will be on patrol. . . number three will be playing peek-a-boo.'

"Do the M.O.D allow many of their staff to work from home?"