Army Captain T-Shirts

'I got this one for being the one millionth patron at the burlesque bar.'

Wanna see my new medal?

Officer with many medals.

'That one's for being a very brave boy!'

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

"I think I've figured out why we can't find the marina."

Servicemen.

Captain in a storm

'This one's for marrying him, and this one's for raising the kids.'

Kid to mom: 'Tell me again about the time you helped fortress a city, subdue hostile fire and got home and baked us all raspberry strudels.'

For some reason, "The Road Less Travelled" GPS package never really caught on...

Decorated officer - 'And these are for keeping my pants up.'

A massive ship pulls in in Central Park.

Captain steering house through flood.

'It's my company, I'll decide whether I want to go to the partner's meeting or not.'

'General, please hire large armies of foreign mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation and tyranny.'

'Any wilderness skills besides making smores?'

'You can come down a peg. Mesopotamia gave the world bureaucracy, you know.'

'Well, it wasn't my lucky day... first there was that shark and then I bimped into a bunch of beaver!'

'If we get out of this alive, I'm going to have a darn good look at your resume.'

"Sorry, Rick, but no thongs means no thongs."

Welsh airport arrivals.

'At ease, soldier.'

Sea weed harvest.

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

Lighthouse Beam.

Frontispiece to 'Dombey and Son'

'I like to greet the new team members myself.'

Captain looks out of a porthole and notices that the ship is sinking.

Lifesaver!

Family Salutes as Father Comes Home.

"I'm returning home triumphant - do you need me to pick anything up?"

"This crew gets 15 miles to the pound of gruel. They're very fuel efficient."

"The Captain really, really hates losing at shuffleboard."

Ship upsidedown in a bottle has rescue boat in bottle next to it.