Arms Affair Aficionado Gifts

Neo-con foreign policy, plan A & plan B: (bombs).

Bird feeding chick that is nesting in a knight's helmet

"No. I can't 'let it out a bit'. It's armour, you'll just have to go on a diet!"

"You are being overly-defensive again, Brenda!"

In case of emergency - use tin opener...

"My girlfriend really went all out on this one."

'When I met him he was all bright and shiny - now he's a rust bucket.'

Wonders of Evolution: This species has developed an unusual protective shell.

Knights of the bedside table.

Before putting on your armor...always check for mice!

Mr. Evers specifically asked for a plain coffee, not an espresso.

Gadzook used armour. Only one careful owner.

'Do you remember the good old days when April 15 was the only 'fiscal cliff' people worried about?'

"Beat it! Here comes the major and his entire staff!"

New and Used Armor. Ow! Ow! Ouch! Ow! I told you to spring for the under-coating option.

The Lawman

"Sheesh... Missed a button again."

Knight walking a dog.

'Don't mind him, he gets that way every Opening Day when I tell him he can't have a gun.'

'Looks like that pheasant got into the sticker bushes.'

'But sinister gales - with that armour?'

Banting in the Yeomanry

Knight school.

"I spent 18-plus years, $2 trillion and around 2,400 dead soldiers in Afghanistan, and all I got was. . . this lousy turban."

"What do you suppose Ken Burns will have to say about all this in 30 years?"

Soldier watering camouflage plants on troops' helmets.

Remounts for the Yeomanry

'Look out, it's a double edged sword. . .'

'WOW! Did anyone see the recoil on this baby?'

Knight/Bird.

Knight Vision

What?

'Being a Drill Sergeant isn't s tough - all you got to know is how to count to four.'

"O.K., but let's say you have up to six hundred intruders per minute."

'This won't take long, Senator -- I'm a single-issue nut.'