Armchair Pundits Pillows

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"Fred's calculating what future natural catastrophes he can ignore based on his probably life span."

"Feel free to take notes."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

For some reason, "The Road Less Travelled" GPS package never really caught on...

Skeptic Tank.

A bear is sat on an armchair with old man slippers.

Canine obidience class: 'He wouldn't budge from the armchair.'

The intellectual.

The dangerous world of the armchair thinker

"A Bill of Rights? - Don't you TRUST me?"

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

The Three Kinds of People

National Living Wage from April 1st.

'She's not very good. She only did three revolutions and her air wasn't all that much.'

"Lemme guess: You're struggling with the French press again."

'What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical.'

"I don't believe in egrets."

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"That's right - 'What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.' You just keep on thinking that..."

'Don't worry! Since 28% of my salary goes to the government, I've decided to work 72% of the time!'

'Are we watching business news or sports news?'

'What if we televise government budget hearings and make them pay-per-view?'

"I'm back from Russia. Putin offered me a Dacha to say he's an honest man."

'Which channel would you like to tut at tonight?'

"Just when I think things couldn’t get any worse, they replace The Lockhorns with Doonesbury!"

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."

"But now the good guy with a gun has a foot wound."

"Before the library cuts I was well-read now I just have ill-informed opinions."

'Do I believe in evolution? - Well, I suppose we should get it over with.'

Stephen Fry.