Armchair Astrologers Gifts

"A shooting star! Make a wish, Billy, you ugly doofus."

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

"The way he stacks those blocks, I see repression, some hostility, and a lot of dissatisfaction with his place in society."

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

"One side is for depression, the other is for anxiety, and if you're still confused make an appointment with the cat."

"What the... mine are lunar eclipse glasses!"

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

Emergency numbers on a telephone.

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

'It wouldn't work - you're Leo and I'm Sagittarius.'

"I'm not sure you'll want to know this."

The Big Tipper

"...Wow, if Malcolm Gladwell is right, we need to get a cat who's a Virgo ASAP!"

"This connect the dots is taking FOREVER!"

Planting by the Moon.

"The Chinese Zodiac told me to marry a sheep. Who am I to question hundreds of years of ancient Chinese wisdom?"

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

'Warning: Use of oversized apertures or antennas will void warranty,'

"Lighten up! Your charts aren't that bad."

Roy, if you can hear me, the Mets are twenty games over .500 and they have a good shot at clinching the N. L. East."

"I don't like space."

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

'Horoscope, stay indoors and keep your mouth shut.' 'So, no dentist.'

'My horoscope said I was going to make someone happy today.'

'We're an equal opportunity employer and we do not discriminate against sex, race, religion, age, or astrological sign.'

"Hurray! I discovered a new planet!"

Yeah, well, I only failed my logic exam because I'm a Pisces and my professor's a Leo.

"Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, when Jupiter is in his 6th house or Saturn is in his 2nd, until death do you part?"

"Go ask your mother ... and I'll tell you why she's wrong."

Cosmonaughty

'Johannes Kepler's uphill batle'

"Your moon is in the House of Pancakes."

'My horoscope says I'm due for a surprise today.'