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"Where's the damn bottle-opener?" "It's his day off, sir."

Queen Elizabeth II

The Nobility Scooter

"Don't you love being upscale?"

"Her ladyship isn't in—wait, yes, no—so sorry, she's out."

Visiting the Theatre

Tradesman/Lottery Millionaires entrance

Your Zimmer Frame M'Lud

The Earls of Sandwich

"And on the floor is the present duchess...."

Countess

"Why do all butlers say m' lud at the end of every sentence!"

"Will that be all, Your Grace?"

'He was born with a silver spoon all right, but not in his mouth.'

"The Duke and Duchess of A.T. & T., the Count and Countess of Citicorp, the Earl of Exxon, and the Marchioness of Avco. The Duke of Warnaco..."

'Burke's B-list celebrities.'

"Ted's been down in the dumps since they started giving greed a bad name."

"China Ministry of State Security Royal Infiltration Training Unit"

"Can any of us truly see ourselves?"

Duchess

"Miss Penny to inquire about the tardiness of evening kibble."

'He calls himself a philanthropist, but would prefer Lord Philanthropist.'

'Is the poodle of the house in?'

"Darling, a rather uncomfortable distance has developed between me and the furniture."

"So what are you the earl of?"

"It's said to be haunted by the ghost of the fifth earl, who fell on hard times."

"You think more of Football than you do of me!", "I think more of Earl Spencer than I do of you!!"

"I may be your page today, but someday, I hope to be the whole book."

Queen

"It's Parkins, sir; we're 'aving a bit of a time below stairs."

"It's the price we pay for living an alternative lifestyle."

A House of Lords Reform: 'Please do not take shotguns or dead game into the chamber.'

View Down Ladies' Mile

A cavalier gentleman.

'One day this will be someone else's.'