Arachnophilia Appreciator Pillows

After immobilising it's prey, the Tasmanian Death Spider prefers to suck out the innards with a bendy straw.

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

What did I tell you about covering your bottom when you sneeze?

Yeah, it's funny, but you'll see, in this house, it's the guy who screams the loudest...

A spider is afraid of another spider's mask.

Moses' Tablet

"Right here's fine."

'I made your favorite for dinner — pterodactyl nuggets!'

"There is a 5 month slow down. You are still on the fastest route. You will arrive next year."

"I think I'm in the wrong kind of spin class!"

Brown Non-Recluse Spider

"I'm just gonna reach in my back pocket real slow-like and turn off my ringer."

"Well, you said you wanted something to remove spiders from the bath!"

'This 'Hamlet' thing you're working on... Do you think you could write in a part for Lady Godiva?!'

Unwelcome guests can be caught and thrown out...there is no need to kill them.

"It's alright for you, female worms are everywhere, but when was the last time you saw a Mummy-Long-Legs?"

"Things get more interesting at noon."

"Now, cover your second, fourth and seventh eyes and read the next line."

I was coughing, Frank - I didn't need the Heimlich.

"It was a slow day - my pedometer says I only put in 1, 273, 426 steps."

Spider Press-Ups

'There he goes over the bag limit again!'

"Of all my husbands I believe the first one tasted the best."

"We apologise for the late arrival of the ten-eighteen..."

'Reallly Miss Jones...all this fuss over a silly little spider!'

"Arachnophunnies"

The Lesser Pyramids

Black Widow Diet

"I do appreciate that it eats other bugs, but it also ate my husband."

'What luck!'

"This one is really gonna blow their minds."

"What do I remember about my mother? Well, for starters, she was delicious."

'Do you have any wine from the Ming dynasty?'

'Visit my website.'

'I'm sorry, but we are after a different kind of Web expert...'