Aquarist Extraordinaire Gifts

"Don't look now. I think we've got company."

It is essential not to overcrowd a tank as this can cause serious problems...

'We need you to get onto those high balls coming over'

Leak in the fish tank.

"Why... do goldfish have such a short memory span? We don't – there isn't anything to remember if all you do is swim around in circles all day long."

'Too bad we're not pay-per-view.'

Al puts tiny diapers on his fish.

Fish Posting No Fishing Sign

Never ending to do list

"I think we are overfeeding the fish!"

Fish tank filled with sardines.

Pet Store: Clown Fish.

'Beret Night at the Museum'

"Darren Eggleston. I saw that!"

"The perfect killing machine? Is that all I am to you?"

Bad news...we're running out of ice.

'The good news is that all the teachers liked the weekend brainstorming retreat. The bad news is that twelve of them are out today with splitting headaches.'

"There weren't any more clown fishes at the pet shop, so they got me - a jester fish."

Fish near-death experiences.

"Any missed assignments can be excused only with a note from your internet service provider."

"Blood sweat and tears. I think it's supposed to make us feel guilty."

"Another goldfish...?"

Tropical Cow Tank

The Hudson River School of Art.

Seaside Aquarium

'We need to update our gravel, install a fake treasure chest, and get one of those lifelike scuba divers. Apparently, it's all about curb appeal.'

'I give all my new teachers the same advice. Never minimize the transformative power of a smile attached to your words.'

'Teacher says I don't pay attention, I have no retention but I'm great at detention.'

The synchronized shower event.

'There goes the world's largest fish.' (fish bowl)

"That's the part of hands-free technology that creeps me out... on-hold music karaoke."

"I switched hobbies from tropical fish to gardening. I won't feel so bad if I kill a plant."

'It's their warm inquisitive eyes I find most unnerving. . .'

Planeterrium.

"How long can you hold that pose?!"