Approval Hunter Pillows

"If it weren't for Instagram, I'd have no self-esteem at all."

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"If it doesn't happen on Facebook, it didn't happen."

"It's just one monkey at one typewriter, but we've given him an infinite need for validation."

Win - win

'Someone important is bound to see my resume now!'

'Actually, there's no interview necessary. Just pull out the sword and the job's yours.'

"The election's over, Trump won, the illegals are being deported and I'm here for one of them there high-paying American jobs he promised."

And I like to call this my 'dance of the enhanced PEP at alternative firms'.

Help wanted. Various positions available.

"How's the job interviews going?" "Not well. Seems they only want the best and the brightest."

'I think I'm decisive. Can I get back to you on that?'

"This is one of those great jobs you'd be willing to do for free. Will you do it for free?"

First Prize!

'Henry has found his niche with us.'

"Attention, wanna-be son-in-law ... we're losing!"

'You don't want the job, do you?'

'Have you got a resume?'

'Mr. Barnes was going to interview you for the job, until he realized you were actually expecting financial compensation, benefits and vacation time.'

'Do you think now's a good time to ask for a raise?' - 'I wouldn't if I was you. She gave me one this morning.'

YOU ARE HERE

"I enjoyed your resume, young man - especially the hand-written addendum from your mom."

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

Your resume is only 8 words long! You're hired!

"I can see from your résumé that you're a man."

"I'm not going to shoot the messenger, but I'm also not going to renew his grant."

"The boss loves the positive feedback he gets every time he says something."

"Do you have any other qualities to offer apart from loyalty?"

'For a raise you must apply in person to our Bombay office...'

Being unable to clearly articulate responses to interview questions is a common mistake...

"Any other strengths?"