Appliance Salesperson Pillows

New! Flat-panel Appliances.

"It's great for quesadillas."

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

'Does this thing get channel four.'

"You'll love this model, sir! You won't have to miss any of the sports action when you go for a beer!"

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

'Shall we turn the extractor fan down a bit...?'

"And it comes with a coin filter for when you vacuum under the cushions."

The world's most unemployable family

'And the funniest part is I made Frank go out and buy a new, $5,000 fridge, just to hold a $4.00 bottle of wine!'

"Here’s your problem. This isn’t a ‘Franklin’ stove, it’s a ‘Voltaire.’"

Moe's Fix-It Shop - No Heroic Measures

"My kitchen is very small. Do you have any with doors that swing in?"

"Can you weaken the spring or something? -- It keeps knocking my coffee over."

'So you just dry stuff? That's cool, I guess. I mean, it's not like there's some mystical force that could do that for you, like, I don't know... evaporation.'

When it came to appliance repairs...Joe wasn't one to mince his words!

'Of course, the self-cleaning models tend to cost a little more.'

'Wow, that really was concentrated dish soap.'

'It's just some 'Stir 'n' Blend', 'Bake 'n' Slice', 'Mix 'n' Broil', Chop 'n' Simmer and 'Pour 'n' Serve.'

"Look at it this way -- in three years your roof could leak."

'My favorite kitchen tool will always be the old fashioned fork moving automatically to my mouth!'

Yard Sale: Like-New Kitchen Gadgets

'I just can't picture it in our kitchen ..got any sticky notes or magnets and crap we can plaster all over it?'

'You say your picture's funny?...I'm surprised you got a picture at all. That's a microwave oven!'

'Got any changing rooms to try this one on?'

'Why can't you guys be more like the hot water heater, who may pay for itself in two years.'

'Maybe I shouldn't put 'instant cooling' on maximum.'

Appliance Theatre

'This one is more expensive, but it comes with factory installed door art and notes.'

'Hand over all your money or the toaster gets it!'

Dellson's refrigerator door seal repairs.

'Of course, the one you buy would be upright. This is just the floor model.'

'Is there any way of keeping the light one when you're inside?'

"Some of your lost socks were clogging up the motor."