Apartment Comedian Pillows

"Are you walking the dog? We live on the third floor!"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

"That's it. We’re toast."

Soup of the month.

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

'Like death by salad.'

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

"Five hamburgers with buns, three hamburgers without buns and two buns, without hamburgers."

"I hope you won't repent afterwards, Vicar, It's a devilishly hot vindaloo!"

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

"Our cook is new, so ge's Googling what goes on a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich as we speak."

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

Chef uses Harp to cut Sausages

'Does this thing get channel four.'

"....And then chuck the whole lot in the dustbin and phone for a take-away."

The Complete Spaghetti Dinner.

"Larry, what's the weather forecast?" "Let me ask you something. Did you make waffles this morning? Because someone had maple syrup on their hands, and I seem to recall a hand moving me... a pretty, pretty, pretty sticky hand..."

'It's all homemade.'

"So why do you need a ladder to make pancakes?"

"Looks like it's time to make the banana bread."

Chef copy robot

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

"How would you like your steak sir—really well done or raw? We've got a new chef."

'And this is Eddy, he's been giving virtual tours long before computers.'

'When the doctor told you to warm up before exercising, I don't think he meant with hot chocolate and hot cross buns.'

Culinary surgery.

'Bar-B-Q lit yet?'

Old Spice