Apartment Comedian T-Shirts

"Are you walking the dog? We live on the third floor!"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

Soup of the month.

"That's it. We’re toast."

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

'Like death by salad.'

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

"Five hamburgers with buns, three hamburgers without buns and two buns, without hamburgers."

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

"I hope you won't repent afterwards, Vicar, It's a devilishly hot vindaloo!"

"I specialise in themed dinners 'Titanic', 'Armageddon' , 'Towering Inferno'..."

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

"Our cook is new, so ge's Googling what goes on a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich as we speak."

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

Why did Ernie take that off his wrist and put it here when he had to leave the kitchen? For safety reasons. A watched pot never boils. Ernie says you are what you eat. It's true in his case. Ernie is just like his food. He is sweet, and has some but not too much spice. Plus there's nothing artificial about him. Also like his food, Ernie is an acquired taste. And to me they have both become irresistibly delicious!

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

Chef uses Harp to cut Sausages

'Does this thing get channel four.'

"....And then chuck the whole lot in the dustbin and phone for a take-away."

The Complete Spaghetti Dinner.

"Larry, what's the weather forecast?" "Let me ask you something. Did you make waffles this morning? Because someone had maple syrup on their hands, and I seem to recall a hand moving me... a pretty, pretty, pretty sticky hand..."

"Looks like it's time to make the banana bread."

'It's all homemade.'

"So why do you need a ladder to make pancakes?"

Chef copy robot

"How would you like your steak sir—really well done or raw? We've got a new chef."

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

'And this is Eddy, he's been giving virtual tours long before computers.'

'When the doctor told you to warm up before exercising, I don't think he meant with hot chocolate and hot cross buns.'

Culinary surgery.

Old Spice