Apartment Aficionados Gifts

"It's just a ten-minute walk to much nicer apartments."

"The woman on the fire escape who acted like it was a balcony"

"I can remember when having a '212' phone number still meant something in this world."

"I thought we'd eat out on the patio for a change."

Fish-tank Skyscraper.

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Upper West Side Story

Natural Phenomena of 15-E

'Honey, I'm home.'

For the musician strapped for space...the Murphy piano.

"It just seems to me, Howard, that you're missing the whole point of having a terrace in the city."

'Now, it does require some modernisation. . . .'

"The sellers had a lot of kids, so they got tired of running out of hot water. So they upgraded."

Yeah? Delivery! Come on up!

"This town ain't big enough for the both of us and, even if it was, I doubt either of us could afford to buy a place here given the current sellers' market."

"The roof is old and leaks. The good news is when it rains you'll get an additional 3 showers."

"My kitchen is very small. Do you have any with doors that swing in?"

"That's the window, dear. The bookcase is over to your right."

Estate Agent - 'They're all mine.'

"If a sixth borough opens up, I'll let you know."

'You can come back in, King Kong. The superintendent got the door open.'

"I'm looking for something with more closet space."

Bob hated using the elevator as much as it hated being used.

"I still can't believe you're leaving a two bedroom for a studio."

Fun with candy.

"I think investors have been a bit concerned about these tiny 'microflats' we're converting."

'He predicts home prices will go up this year? Yeah, and if I go outside every morning and predict rain, eventually I'll be right, too.'

Demanding house.

Asian Travel: 'Absolutely do NOT book anyplace without a western toilet!'

"One BHK, two baths, and sixty three plug points."

"Don't get the wrong idea, but I think I should tell you that all my furnishings are from Ikea."

"Would you like me to show you around my apartment and tell you how much I paid for everything?"

"Actually, I got my nickname because I live in a loft."

There are some bad neighbors in the building where I live. One creep was kicked out for inappropriate actions. I call him "The Flash." "Catwoman" violates the no-pets policy. "Aquaman" hogs all the hot water. And the "Green Hulk" is a huge guy who berates people when they don't separate recyclables from other trash. On the plus side, when anything breaks here, it is quick fixed. Ah, "Superman"!

"I like looking at amateur porn, because I like seeing other people's apartments."